Tonight I am feeling overwhelmed by small things that should be simple and not cause me to even have a second thought. Thank you, grief. It's so annoying and makes me feel a little looney.
I feel overwhelmed because Ethan's night light burnt out and we're out of light bulbs. The thought of getting new ones and replacing it has me sitting here wanting to cry. We need one more chair in the school room, but the thought of having to assemble one is more than my brain and emotions can handle. Sitting down to get school prepped has me in tears as I think of all the fun things I want to do with them, but just don't have the energy to accomplish. The silliest, smallest things seem like huge mountains in front of me. They stop me in my tracks. They keep me from doing important things, fun things, sweet things, so many things. This is for sure one of the biggest things I am looking forward to saying goodbye to as grief moves aside. Hopefully sooner, rather than later. I am not very patient with grief, am I? It is such an unwelcome guest.
It is so easy, in these moments, to let the emotions take over and to just give in to it all. But, that is not the life of JOY that Christ has for me. I must look deeper. Dig in. Find the grace. So, Lord, the only way to get to You is to look to you and see all the places where Your hand is in this little chapter of Your story that I am living:
-You brought salvation to my precious Sophie.
-You are working on Ethan's heart in little ways every day.
-You have given me a beautiful family who loves us and takes care of us.
-You have placed us in a beautiful church family who loves well, even in the hardest of times.
-You have seen every need and provided for each one.
-You have filled my ears with songs that lead me to You and declare Your truth.
-You have given me Your word as comfort, guidance, and hope.
And there is so much more! Lord, keep my eyes focused on You at all times. The moment I begin to feel overwhelmed and let emotions take over, grab my face and turn it to You. Speak Your truth to me. Sing Your JOY over me. Let Your praise ever be on my lips!
(Here are some songs I have been enjoying:)
More Than Anything by Natalie Grant
Enough by Natalie Grant
Future by Francesca Batistelli
Hold On To Hope by Ellie Holcomb
My Victory by Crowder