In his last few months, Kevin spent a lot of time listening to Feet of Jesus by Steven Curtis Chapman. It is such a beautiful song that I just had to share.
I can't listen to it without crying, for two reasons. One, because I can still picture Kevin sitting in his office chair, guitar in hand, singing and playing this song. It was his heart's cry. He had no peace and no rest here on this old, broken earth in his last few years. He so deeply craved to truly lay everything at Jesus' feet and to feel the peace and rest only Christ can give. Second, I cry because this is the exact picture of what Kevin is doing now. Sitting at the feet of Jesus, free, healed, whole, peaceful, and at rest.
I've debated whether to share this next part or not. It kind of makes me sound like a crazy person. It's very unlike me. I am not one who puts a lot of stock in visions or dreams, not because I don't think God speaks through them (hello, they are all over the Bible. There are like four dreams in the Christmas story alone,) but mainly because I've just never experienced having a vision or dream that really seemed to mean anything other than my brain really didn't get much rest while I was sleeping! And honestly, I have struggled with whether or not this vision was a gift from the Lord to give me peace about Kevin's salvation or satan giving it to me to give me false peace about Kevin's salvation. The enemy is cunning and crafty and will do whatever it takes to make us believe something that isn't true. But then I hear this song and I am reminded so vividly of the vision He gave me, that I cling to the hope and belief that it was a gift from the Creator.
Twice, before we converted Kevin's office into the schoolroom, as I walked into the office, I had the most striking vision. It was the same both times and left me speechless, breathless, and praising God. (Maybe that should have been my clue it wasn't from satan? He would never want to do anything that would cause me to praise God!) As I walked in, it was as if I was seeing Kevin's final moments through the lens of the spiritual realm. Kevin was there, flat on his face, weeping more deeply than I have ever seen him weep. He knew it was the end, that he was about to take his final breaths here on earth, and he knew that he had messed up. Made a horrible mistake. Made a lot of horrible mistakes over his lifetime and did not deserve even the smallest amount of grace from anyone. Especially Christ. He never looked up, but was weeping and apologizing and listing all he had done and why he didn't deserve grace. I never saw Christ. Never heard his voice. He just reached out his right hand to Kevin, as if there was nothing to say or apologize for, took his hand, and lead him home. That was it. Both times.
What a beautiful picture of the love and grace the Lord lavishes on His children. Regardless of their past. Regardless of their current mistakes. He sees the pain. He sees the heart. He sees the need. And He meets you where you are every.single.time. He knew every one of Kevin's sins, poor choices, mistakes, diseases, and struggles. God loved him through every one. He was never far off, but rather close by, the whole time. Kevin may not have seen or felt Him, but He was there. And up to the very last second, the last breath, God was pouring grace and love over Kevin that he did not deserve. But he was God's child. Whom He loved. And died for. The price was paid on that cross at Calvary. Confession was made and sins were forgiven and His child was welcomed home. Amen!
Lord, let it be so for each one of us on this planet. Lord, turn the hearts of men to their Maker this night. Let us see You and know You and draw near to You. Father, if I am honest, none of this makes sense. A holy God sending His only Son to earth to die for people who are evil, hateful, selfish, always choosing stupid things and forgetting about You just makes no sense. To pay the price that we earned for the sin we chose to do is just absurd. But I am oh, so glad you did it! Lord, reveal Your light of truth into this dark world. Bring salvation to many this day as they see You in my story. In the stories of so many others. Oh, Father, thank You for Kevin's salvation all those years ago. Like all of us, he had a lot of ups and downs, moments of doubt, and he made bad choices. But he was Yours and nothing could change that. Thank You! Lord, speak. Move. Bring salvation.