September 06, 2016

Today's Undoing

Grief is an unwelcome, awkward, unpredictable. It comes and goes when you least expect it. The smallest, most insignificant thing can bring you to your knees, make you catch your breath, and have you in tears for hours. Most days are fine. Most days have laughter and fun and hard work. But every now and then, a song or a picture or some other small thing catches you off guard and grief takes over again.

Today, for me, it was this 13 year old hand mixer:

Kevin and I got this mixer as a wedding present in June of 2003. It's the only mixer we've ever owned. Every cake we've ever baked, every batch of pancakes we've ever made, was made with this mixer. Even on its lowest setting it was much to fast for mixing pretty much everything. It drove Kevin crazy! But, it was our mixer. And today, it died. While I was making chocolate cake. (Have no fear, I was able to limp along and make it work long enough to finish mixing the cake!) I had to stop and just cry for a few moments. As odd and silly as it sounds, it felt like another ending, another death. And it was just a mixer. That's what grief does.

But, today, I read THIS BLOG and was reminded that, even in the hard, in the hurt, in the confusion, I must praise Him. List the JOYS. List the good things He's given. So today, I turn my heart from the sadness of a broken mixer to the JOYS of His gifts:

-After a horrible experience at the Glo Run a few weeks ago, the kids and I did Day 1 of Courch to 5K last night and they did an excellent job! It was a simple run--20 minutes of one minute of running and 90 seconds of walking done over and over, but they didn't complain and just went with it. I learned from my mistakes and explained why I wanted to do this together. When we finished Sophie even said she had fun!

-A sweet friend is keeping my kids right now so I can have time to myself. This will happen once a week for the next several weeks. I can't even express how much I need this and how much of a help this is to me.

-The beautiful family the Lord has given me. I can't really even put it into words. They love me and my children so well. I couldn't have asked for a better family.

-The beautiful ladies the Lord has put in my life astound and amaze me. I can only hope to love others as well as they have loved me. They listen, pour out wisdom, let me cry, let me vent, and always point me to Christ.

-The Lord has given me two beautiful, precious children to love and care for in this life. Their smiles are contagious, their laughter fills the room, and their imaginations are wonderful. They love others so sweetly and keep me going every day.

-I have the most amazing and precious church family. They have loved me well through this grief and pain. They walk beside me and encourage me.

Father, help me to always see the JOYS in my day. Open my eyes to see Your hand, in the hard or the happy. Fill my mouth with Your praise at all times. Let my mouth declare Your mighty deeds to all around me. Lord, on the days I feel undone and the small things leave me breathless and full of tears, turn my eyes to You. Draw my heart to Your truth.

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