May 14, 2016


Today, I got step one (of LOTS of steps) done toward converting Kevin's office into our schoolroom. I didn't cry nearly as much as I thought I would.

Today, I was undone by a sewing machine. And not knowing how to fix it. Or make it work at all. My daughter needed my help and I could do nothing for her. Except cry right along with her.

Today, I was reminded, painfully, how much better life goes when you pray. Pray constantly. Fervently. Over even the smallest thing.

Today, this whole single parent thing felt so impossible.

Today, my mind was overcome with thoughts of how much better and easier life was with Kevin. He was a blessing in so many ways. Life in this broken world is hard. For all of us. It's just not the way the Lord intended it to be. It makes me long a little more for Heaven. And plead more fervently for the salvation of my children.

Today, I had some sweet time, one on one, with my sweet little Ethan.

Today, my sweet Sophie and I enjoyed some Food Truck Race together.

Today, I was loved on through sweet text messages when I was at the end of my rope.

Today, three plates felt like a lot less than four.

Today, the scale screamed at me to slow down on the eating (and so did my clothes!)

Today, I put away the laundry and was again blown away by the excess amount of clothes I have. That's a little less after today.

Today, I really had to fight being angry that Kevin wasn't here to fix the sewing machine, find the Lego, and deliver inventory to his clients. And, if I'm being honest, to clean his own office.

Today, I really wanted a massage.

Today, I had to remind myself that "You rule the raging of the sea; when its waves rise, You still them" because the waves were higher than I could handle.

Today, I didn't even use a brush on my hair.

Today, my daughter had to wrap me up and hug me and tell me it would all be OK because Mrs. Marilyn is coming to help us with the sewing machine.

Today, I cleaned one area and made a huge mess out of another.

Today, I felt lots of excitement, and even some trepidation, at the thought of rearranging the office for a new school room. New paint, new desk arrangement, a reading corner. (But, also, so much work to do!)

Today, that empty place in the driveway felt much bigger than it did yesterday.

Today, I noticed that several rosebuds are almost ready to bloom.

Today, I went to bed with a headache, totally exhausted, and ready for worship with my church family tomorrow.

1 comment:

  1. I love you and wish I could help. Hugs and continued prayers.