I would have to say that, normally, I am not a fearful person. I'm not brave, but not fearful, either.
Man, oh, man, has the enemy been having a blast these last few weeks filling my heart and mind with fear. Many of the fears are irrational and have no basis. I know this. Yet, I still find myself giving in to these fears.
Fear that I am not the wife that my husband needs.
Fear that I am not the mother my kids need.
Fear that I am not teaching my kids all they need to know.
Fear that other people's kids will be better prepared for life than mine.
Fear that by choosing to be a wife and mom I may have missed out on some amazing opportunities to see the world, serve God, and do some really cool things I would have really loved.
Fear that my husband will die first and I will have to live on without him.
Fear that I will have to watch my children die.
Fear that people will notice I am not nearly as brave or put together as I want them to think I am.
Fear that by choosing to give up working outside the home I am becoming more and more useless and unnecessary with each passing day.
Fear that I am the weakest link everywhere I go.
Fear that I'll never get caught up on the laundry.
Fear that the dust bunnies will soon take over the house.
Fear that the kids will one day hate me for the chicken nuggets and PBJ sandwiches they ate when I was too lazy to fix a real meal.
Fear that my kids will never learn to serve others before themselves.
Fear that my kids will not love God and His word.
Fear that, when death comes, I will do it badly.
Fear that I've somehow wasted this life.
But the biggest fear lately, that my children will never know God's salvation. Though it's offered to all, not all will follow in obedience. Not all will live for Him. Not all will love Him. Not all will know new life with Christ as their Lord and Master. Fear that no matter what I do, they will choose to live life for themselves, ignore God, and spend eternity separated from Him (and me.) It's almost paralyzing. It keeps me up at nights. The tears drench my pillow. I have no control over the state of their souls. All I can do is obey the command to love them, teach them His word, display a godly life before them, and pray diligently for their souls. The rest is out of my hands. I fear that which I cannot control.
Father, remind me that fear is not from You. Remind me that Your perfect love casts out fear. Remind me that You do not give us a spirit of fear, but of power, love, and sound mind (good judgment, instruction, self-discipline, etc). Remind me that You love my kids and my husband and my friends more than I ever could. Remind me that You are evident in everything around me..and around my kids. Remind me to run to You, the source of all love and power, when I am doubt and fear. Remind me that Satan is the father of lies and You alone are truth. Remind me that praying for my kids changes me, whether they are ever changed or not. Father, mold me, shape me, enbolden me to become more like You every day!