October 31, 2014

Balance Is So Hard For Me To Find

Does anyone else here struggle with balance? I seem to always swing to one side or the other and can't seem to find that comfortable middle ground. In anything. Ever. Maybe it's the drama queen in me, I don't know. And I am very indecisive. Once I finally do make a decision, most of the time I end up questioning and wondering if it was the right choice.

And I am far more selfish than I care for others to know. Which is, many times, the root of my unbalance and indecision. Anytime there is extra money, time, food, anything, it is such a battle for me to decide, "Do I use this for me or pass it on to someone who could really use it." I'll admit, that's a big reason why I don't typically do yard sales on my own, anymore. If I spend the money on me or my family, I feel guilty, yet if I don't spend it on us, I mentally keep going over the list of things we could have had. So, I find it's better to just donate things to our local community center or to a family who is having a yard sale to raise money for their mission trip or adoption. There is this constant struggle between wanting to be a good steward of all the resources God has given me, yet that selfish side always creeps in! Oh, how I wish that with one good decision the selfishness would just disappear. But, then I would have to be constantly turning to Christ for strength, wisdom, and trust. Without the struggle, there'd be no need for God. Then it really would be all about me and not about Him at all.

Oh, Lord, give me the strength to turn to You in every trial. Help me to seek You in the selfish moments. Give me wisdom for each decision in order for all I do to honor You.

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