December 25, 2013

The War Within Me

Ok, so really, I have many wars within me....and today has been no exception.  But, today, in the midst of Christmas and presents and saying no to Santa (maybe if I get brave enough one day that will another blog topic) and spending time with family God really hit me with my need to hand my children's souls over to Him...and leave them there.

E has had a rough day today.  He loves to be around other kids, especially boys, but when this happens he becomes almost a completely different person.  He forgets all rules, thinks nothing of the others around him, and just does whatever he wants.  Which, of course, usually lands him in trouble.  Again, today was no exception.  After being spoken to several times about his poor choices and selfish attitude, I was done.  He was sent upstairs to our room until he could change his attitude.  He was up there so long he fell asleep.

I felt so hopeless.  I just wanted to collapse on the bed and cry.  I couldn't help but start comparing my little man and his bad behavior to all the little ones I know his age who, to me on the outside, seem so together, nice, and always obedient.  I actually wanted to just ask God if it was ever going to be possible for his little heart to change.  What was I going to do with the thought that he would never change, never seek God, never want to know anything more about Christ?  (Drama queen much?!?!)

Then, I went over and picked him up. I held him while he slept.  My heart melted.  I immediately asked God to forgive me for doubting that God could change his heart.  I was reminded that the saving of his soul, the calling of this little one, is not up to me. The Spirit will do the work.  Now, I do have some work I need to do so he can know as much Truth as possible, but teaching and praying is the end of what I can do (though both are big things).  The rest is God.  I cannot give up hope.  God can change any heart at any time.  What a comforting and hope-filled thought!

Lord, draw my children to You.  Show me how to teach them and pray for them.  Show me how to trust their souls to You.  Do mighty things in their hearts and lives!

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