Yeah, the title pretty much says it all! My brain feels like it's been going 100 miles an hour lately and so much is happening there that I just can't keep everything straight!
--No TV June is going well, though we have declared a few "special days" and watched a show or two. Our anniversary was one of those days. The kids were with grandma, so we said they could watch a movie when they spent the night. There wasn't anything on at the movie theatre that we both wanted to see, so we decided to watch something at home...and save money at the same time! We also had a family movie night one night, which was lots of fun! Today is my nephew's 13th birthday and the kids tried to convince me we should celebrate this special day with some TV, but they failed in their attempts.
--Some days I feel so jealous when I read about and see people headed out all over the world to serve God and others. I want to join them. I want my feet in the read earth of Uganda, I want to love on those sweet orphans in Romania, I want to have spas for street children in Haiti, I want to go to the ends of the earth to love on others so they can know the love of Christ. I want my whole family to go with me. I want to serve the least of these in forgotten lands as a family. I want to see my children loving on orphaned children, playing stick ball in the street with the homeless. But I know that were I to be doing those things right now, it would be disobedience. Why is that so hard to swallow? Why is it so hard to be the one who stays here and serves those at home? Probably because I could serve for a week or two at the ends of the earth, and never see those people again, but here, I must face them everyday. Here, they must see the real me, cluttered, frazzled, and having no idea what I am doing most of the time. And I have to be OK with that. I have to be real, not put on a mask, no fake smile, no half-hearted grins. Real laughter, real tears, real messes, real aggravations, real joy, real pain, real life. I do believe that one day this little McSmith tribe (yeah, totally stealing that from Jen Hatmaker) will step on a plane and end up in some distant land, for at least a short time, but I also know that right now, I must be faithful to the call God has given me now: home, family, and those around me where I am right now. I must be real, sacrificial, loving, and always about my Father's business. Lord, help me to be diligent in this. Help me to be satisfied in You, no matter the location or circumstance. Make me bold for You in my neighborhood. Help me to love my neighbors as my own family, willing to sacrifice and move mountains on their behalf, regardless of their response or position.
--(Ok, it's been like 2 days since I started writing this post!) I wanted Ethan to lay down and rest with me a bit after swim lessons today. He would have none of it. But, he did sweetly say, "You lay down and rest your eyes and I will read you a book. All at the same time." So, that's just what he did. He read me Another Monster at the End of This Book. I love how much he loves that book!
--So, I haven't totally given up on the Dukan diet, but I am not completely following it either. Make sense? I am using it as a guideline and it has really helped my poor eating habits, but I am not being strict about it. I would still like to lose 5-8 more pounds, but trying not to freak out about it. We're working on cutting down the amount of sugar and carbs that we eat (the kids, too, though not as much with the carbs for them...they could both stand to add a little weight.) This is very difficult as Kevin and I both love, love, love bread and pasta. I could seriously have only those two things at every meal and be pretty happy! But, even though it's going slowly, it's going well.
--Started the kettle bell class at church again last night after a year of not doing it. Oh.My.Word! I could barely move after just the warm up. And no, I am not exaggerating! It's going to be good for me, though, so I am looking forward to the next class.
--So proud of my sweet girl today. I handed her a card and asked her to write a thank you note to her swim teacher. She wrote a very nice note and then wrote out John 3:16 at the end. I totally didn't ask her to do that, she did it on her own, because, "Well, his name is John!" Love that girl! Lord, grab hold of her heart and change the world with her giving and sweet spirit.
--Anyone else out there struggle with constant guilt? Over any and everything? That is me! I buy my kids a new shirt or a pair of shoes and I feel so guilty, regardless of how much they might need them, because there are so many kids out there who have neither of those things, old or new. Where's the balance? I want to live a sacrificial life. I want my kids to live sacrificial lives. My I also want to love on and provide for my children. Lord, help me to see the line between need and want, providing and lavishing.