Have you ever felt like life was speeding by, everyone is speeding past, and you are left behind, yet, like life is moving in slow motion all around you and you just wish that you could speed up your own life and those around you to get where you know God wants you to be? Do I have you completely confused? Well, that's where I feel I've been for the last month or so.
God has been doing some marvelous things in the lives of several friends...but those things include moving them to another state. Though I know that God has been working this out in their hearts and lives for over a year, the actual work of it happening and becoming real has happened incredibly fast! (Well, at least to this little human mind!) Things are moving along and I feel like a bystander who can't seem to catch up and make sense of it fast enough. The tears flow on a regular basis and for no reason at all, it seems. They are tears of joy for God answering the prayers of dear friends and tears of grief for losing 2 families we've been living life with, almost daily, for about 2 years. These families have stood beside us and behind us in many decisions, from homeschooling to discipline to how to worship as a family in our own homes. Many days I just want to pack up and go with them, ready to start a new life with a great new adventure. But, everyday I know that is not where God has called us...and I would then miss the many friends I would be leaving behind just as much as I miss the two who are going! No, we must remain and carry on the work that God has called us to right where we are.
Which, of course, is the part that leads me to feeling like everything is in slow motion when I just want to speed it up! My heart so yearns and feels God calling us to make our family one who has a lifestyle of praise and sacrifice for His name. We so desperately don't want giving to the poor and needy, helping out with mission projects, and serving others to be merely an extracurricular activity that we do in order to mark it off of some list. No, we want it to be our lifestyle, our heart, our very breath. But, I feel so overwhelmed as to where to start. Everything seems so small and insignificant and just not enough. Part of me just wants to pack up the family and move to a third world country just so we, as a family, can see true need, true hunger, true fear of not making it through another day. I want us to feel a true need and dependence on Christ that it seems so hard to have here in America. I want to just have the answers to how God wants us to make this happen and just go and do it...but the answers aren't there, yet, probably because we, as a whole family, aren't there, yet.
Oh, Father, help me to rejoice in the friends You have given me, near and far. Help me to rejoice when they rejoice and mourn when they mourn. Meld our hearts and lives together for Your Kingdom, whether we live in the same town or not. Lord, show Kevin and I how you would transform our family, not so that others could look to us as a model, but so we can truly live lives sold out to You, which would in turn lead our children and others to Your throne. Show us how to love the poor, the orphan, and the widow in a way that would bring honor and glory to You alone. Fill us with You and empty us of ourselves each and every day!