May 27, 2011

Blah

Not sure why, but today I am feeling weary.  Weary physically, weary spiritually, weary emotionally, and weary mentally.  And it just leaves me feeling blah and very unmotivated!

I am weary of that junior high girl inside of me wanting everyone to like me, want to be around me, and include me in everything they do.  I am weary of feeling like I don't know anyone, have no connection to anyone, craving those connections, but being unable or unwilling to take the needed steps to know people and serve people and spend time with others.  I am weary of fearing that I am always making  misstep or hurting someone else's feelings.  I am weary of always feeling like I am right on the verge of breaking through to something great, spiritually, and never feeling brave enough to take that step.  Weary of getting up early and still feeling like I never get anything accomplished during the day.  Weary of feeling as though, no matter how often I clean and do laundry, I live in a pigsty.  I am weary of wanting to have people over, but never having the courage to do it.  I am weary of feeling like I am just floating around waiting for something to happen, yet not ever really knowing what in the world it is I am waiting for!

Yet, I am so thankful for the reminders over the last weeks to be constantly giving God thanks, for the good and the bad!  He give such good gifts all the time, whether I choose to see them or not.  Lord, open my eyes and my heart to all that You have for me.  Lord, give me the strength and boldness to step out in faith to accomplish all that You ask of me.  Help me to be more of a servant, not because I want people to like me or to include me, but in order to show Christ to them.  Lord, give me the strength to reach out, make new friends, strengthen current relationships, and use all that I have to focus all of my life on You.  Show me each step I need to take, in every area.  Don't allow Satan to grab hold of my mind and make me weary of following You.  Lord, fill me, use me, mold me, guide me!

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