As I sit here, tears are streaming down my face. Tears of sorrow, tears of joy, tears of pain, tears of frustration, tears of tiredness, just tears! So much is going on this week with people I know; people I am close to, people I used to attend church with, people who went to my collegiate alma mater though I barely know them at all. Part of me just wants to scream, "God, where are you? You have blessed us so much, why aren't you blessing them? Where is their gift? Their miracle?" Part of me wants to ask, "Why have we been so blessed? Is there a reason our life hasn't been a struggle? Though we are FAR from rich, in our almost 7 year marriage, money has never been an issue. Fertility has never even come close to being an issue for us...yet almost everyone we know has had this as a major issue in our lives. Our children are perfectly healthy. I know we all have things You need to teach us and we each have to learn a different way...is it just that I am learning from their struggles, or you know that I would fail the testing of my faith, so You haven't tested? Is there something I am missing and You have given up on me?" I feel both silly and selfish for even thinking any of this. No matter the answer, He is sovereign, He is in control of all things, and I must continue to seek Him.
Yesterday three babies were born to three different people I know. 6 days ago a baby was born to a young lady that attended HLG while I was an admissions rep there. Two of those babies are totally healthy (as far as I know), one of those babies is healthy and legally still searching for a home though her mother is right there loving her and doing everything she can to care for her while she waits for all the legalities to be taken care of so she and her family can take her home and love on her and teach her about You, and one has already been called home to be held in the arms of Christ. All this in one week...and God is working in all of those situations to draw people to Him. How He can do that with such different situations is a mystery to me!
Another young lady that went to HLG is sitting in a hospital bed in STL fighting for her life waiting for a new heart. Time is of the essence, she can barely breathe, yet she has used every breath to declare her faith and trust in the one her made her. The one who knew her before she was formed and knew that her heart would one day give out. And it wasn't a mistake. You can check out her story and follow the prayer requests at http://www.megansheartstory.blogspot.com/.
I just finished reading a blog post from a young lady I went to church with waaaaay back when I was in high school. She had her wild days, but God has moved her heart and drawn her back to him and given her the greatest challenge and blessing of her life in her youngest child. He will probably never speak, never walk, never do more than lay on the floor and roll to one side. Yet, she clings to the knowledge that her sweet little one was known before He was born. That God is in control and makes no mistakes. Most weeks she goes for days at a time with no sleep as this little blessing requires around the clock care and rarely sleeps himself.
How can I question God about the silly little things in my life when I look at all that is happening in these sweet ladies lives'? They have all been such an encouragement and example for me, even though some of them I barely know and one of them I have never even met. Lord, remind me of my need for you, regardless of my circumstance. Remind me of Your grace and mercy poured out on me everyday, even though it may seem I don't need it. I need it and more than anything I NEED YOU! Remind me! Remind me that You don't make mistakes and you are fully in control of all things and situations. Even Satan must ask Your permission to do things, as we see in Job! Wow! God, you are so good! God, You reign! Reign in me!!!!
We will be doing our baby dedication on Mother's Day and the song we have chosen for it seems so fitting based on this week: Blessed Be Your Name!!!! I will be singing that song from now until then!!!! He gives and He takes away! No matter what is happening, His name is blessed! May God receive all honor and glory for all that takes place, whether it's the outcome we wanted or not!
Sorry that I keep adding to this, but more just keeps coming to my mind today! We have been going through Beth Moore's study on Daniel in our SS class and something she said in there has really stuck with me. In fact, it's been with me since the first time I did this study back in 2006. God uses fiery trials in our lives and one of three things happens:
1) We are delivered from the fire. This means that we don't have to go through that particular fire. I am blessed to say that I feel as though this has been the case for me in most things. Though, as I said in the first paragraph, that makes me wonder if I am doing something wrong, don't have enough faith, or He has given up trying to teach me anything!
2) We are delivered through the fire. That means we go through the trial and come out on the other side with our faith refined by Him.
3) We are delivered by the fire straight into our Father's arms.
This week, it seems as though I know someone who has dealt with each of these scenarios. Again, I don't really understand why some have to go through number 2 or 3, but God knows all and sees all and works all things for the good of those who love Him and he works all things for His glory!