April 16, 2010

Intermission is unbearable on this side of the curtain!

So, I just returned from the latest HLG theatre production, Harvey. Cast, crew, director, FABULOUS JOB!!!! Of course, once again, I come home totally emotional. I'm not emotional because of the show, but because of the theatre. I feel so at home in a theatre and on a stage. It's truly where I long to be, but can't ever seem to land there anymore. Not sure why, though. I have been put in a director role several times, and I do it gladly because God asked me to and I was able to serve Him by doing it. But honestly, I am a horrible director. I belong on the stage. I feel so conflicted! I have this desire, but just don't seem to really know what to do with it. I know that whatever it is, I want to to point others to Christ and give Him the honor and glory. I sit down to take it to the Lord in prayer and end up speechless, unable to form any words to express my thoughts. I read books that have vibrant theatre scenes and children's theatres and my heart soars, but I can't seem to find a reality with that here in this real world. Tonight, all I can do is turn to the Lord and cry, "Father, I need you! You know that I love acting! Thank you so much for all the opportunities You have given me so far. Thank you for the blessing of being part of the Bibleman ministry and all that comes with that. It is truly, truly a blessing. But Lord, you know I desire to do more, right here where I am, and I have no idea how to do that. I can't even walk into a theatre without tearing up and getting a lump in my throat. I cannot do this anymore. Lord, I ask that you either show me how to serve You more in my own community with this gift, or take the desire away and point me where you need me to be. I want to be useful to Your kingdom and use what You've given me in those tasks. Help me to be focused on You, not the gift. Lord, lead me and give me the faith and boldness to follow."

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