I am reading the book "Having a Mary Heart in a Martha World" (boy does that title nail me down!) right now and it is so eye opening! I am such a Martha, and not the good Martha from the story with Lazarus...the too busy to realize she could be sitting and learning at Jesus' feet Martha. As I was reading the other day, I was reminded of my senior year of college.
I was a double major in Communication Arts and Speech education getting ready to graduate. I had no idea what I wanted to do...other than be in New Ed forever! I remember just feeling totally lost, and it had nothing to do with lack of open doors, or even motivation, for a career. See, I am a person that is really good at service, perhaps better stated that I am at my best when I am busy, whether it's truly service or not. In college, it was really easy for me to be busy with service. During my freshman year, I travelled with Players. I spent the next two school years and summers travelling to churches with New Edition, and my senior year I served with Praise Song. I always had a place to serve. But, here I was, with just months left until I was on my own, and I had no place to serve. Being in the same church every week was a foreign thought. What was I going to do? I felt so lost because I didn't just have a place to serve as soon as I was finished. I actually felt lost for almost 6 more months after that because I wasn't busy with service. It wasn't until later that I realized that I was so busy serving that I was missing out on the better part by sitting at Jesus' feet being taught. I was focused on being busy and trying to make myself feel better by serving all the time. Now, I am not saying that we shouldn't serve, by any means, but that there are times when we need to get alone with God and sit at His feet and soak up all He has for us! This is still very hard for me. I don't let go of things well and I can't walk away once I have started something. I am pretty much an all or nothing type of personality, which can be good or bad. I know there are a lot of times when I am still busying myself with service, rather than serving from the heart or taking time to learn from God's word and prayer that I should. Being here on vacation, it has been so nice to be able to head out each morning, away from the house, and just get quiet with God. I am surrounded by the beauty of God's creation and everything else just seems to drift away! Oh, that I can continue to do this when I get home. Lord, help me to make this a priority each day. Let me see my need for you in every area of my life, especially my service for Your Kingdom!